


Ex Block Tango

by akaashikellin



Category: Free!
Genre: CHICAGO THE MUSICAL - Freeform, Comedy, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-31
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-04-02 02:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4042624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akaashikellin/pseuds/akaashikellin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sousuke knew that Rin had a bad history with relationships, but didn't think it was that bad when he gets kidnapped by the Ex Block Tango. </p><p>He had it coming all right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Sousuke rushed into his car with exactly an hour and fifty-three minutes to spare before his boyfriend got home. 

It was Rin's birthday today, and Sousuke had failed to get him a present at an earlier time. It wasn't his fault though- he was a full-time online writer, blogger, and couch potato. 

Okay, maybe it was his fault, but he had absolutely no time to think about that now as he pulled into the highway and realized that he was actually driving into the evening rush hour. 

There had been a car accident smack in the middle of the road, leaving other drivers honking in anger. Literally. 

Now, Sousuke wasn't one to give up so easily. He spotted a familiar alleyway that was a shortcut to the town mall. Turning on his left signal, he turned into the alleyway. 

It was much darker than usual, since there weren't any lights after all. However, Sousuke was in no mood to drive slowly as he trudged on at forty kilometers per hour in almost zero visibility. His headlights were no help.

The alleyway seemed endless until he heard a bump and a whirr. He was stuck. 

Sousuke cursed under his breath and got outside his car to look at the damage. 

His wheels had gotten stuck in several holes in the terrain. He attempted to pry them out, but with no avail, until his headlights shone upon a silhouette nearby. 

"Hey! You! Can I get a hand here? My car's stuck!" he didn't care who it was anymore he just needed to get to the mall as soon as possible. 

The silhouette was starting to get nearer but before knowing who it was...

Sousuke had blacked out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this part was kinda short! Prologues are supposed to be short, right? Anyway, the fun starts in the next chapter


	2. Drop, Woof, Drink, Nono, Perfectionist, and Zip it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, this is where the fun starts

When Sousuke regained his bearings he found himself in an abandoned warehouse that reeked of sweat and rotten egg.

Great. Now he was going to be really late for Rin's birthday. 

"Yamazaki Sousuke?" a low voice said. 

"Who the hell are you? Where am I?" Sousuke struggled, only to find himself strapped to a pipe. 

Footsteps began walking towards him in a synchronised manner, and he could distinguish six people, wearing black leotards and fishnet stockings. 

"You didn't answer my question.." One of them said. "Are you Yamazaki Sousuke?" 

He grabbed his collar and found himself staring into cold blue eyes. 

"Y-yeah," Sousuke gulped. 

There was shuffling and mumbling until a single light turned on, and Sousuke could clearly see all of their faces. The blue-haired man who interrogated him, an innocent-looking brunette, another bluenette but had glasses, a blonde lolita boy, a redhead who looked scared as hell and kept saying no, and a gray-haired boy who was just was small as the blonde. 

"He had it coming." they all said in unison. 

Sousuke raised an eyebrow. 

"Who are you people?" he asked, unimpressed. He had encountered some yakuzas in the past, this was nothing new  

"We are the Ex Block Tango, Yamazaki-kun, and we intend to keep you here until that wretch Matsuoka Rin rots in his flesh." the brunette said. So much for looking innocent. 

"Why do you know Rin?" the yakuza part would've been understandable, but they knew Rin? Now that was weird. 

"I'm his ex," the one with glasses said. 

"Rei-chan, we all are!" the blonde lolilta argued.

 _Oh_.

That made a lot of sense now.

When Rin had mentioned to him that he had a bad history with relationships, he didn't think it was this bad. He didn't think they had formed an undercover organization and wore fishnet stockings with bodycon leotards and boots. 

Sousuke made a mental note that if he and Rin ever broke up he wouldn't wear stockings.

"After we did our damage, we left Rin behind, found each other and decided to create this thing in order to sabotage his life." Rei-chan, apparently, said. 

"Drop,"

"Woof,"

"Drink,"

"Nono,"

"Perfectionist,"

"Zip it."

they said individually. 

"We are the Ex Block Tango." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't write this chapter without breaking out into song


	3. Trois

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke doesn't know if he should be offended, worried, annoyed, or amused. Things just get weirder and weirder.

He seriously tried not to laugh at the act these people were pulling off. 

"I get how you're using me to get back at Rin, but what the fuck did he do to you?" Sousuke attempted to supress a laugh, and it came off as a scoff. 

"Belitting us, are you, Sousuke-san?" The brunette, who introduced himself as 'Woof', smiled  _innocently._

"Well Rin did mention his bad history with relationships, but he seems like a decent guy."

"Ha! Decent guy my ass!" the gray-haired lolita, Zip It, laughed and harshly pushed down the wooden chair Sousuke was sitting on. 

A soft ouch was heard. 

Zip It picked up the chair and grabbed Sousuke's chin to face him. 

"You think you know our story?"

And the lights turned off again. 

"Drop,"

"Woof,"

"Drink,"

"Nono,"

"Perfectionist,"

"Zip it." 

Those words were constantly repeated, a steady rhythm forming. 

The lights turned back on, revealing the seven of them in a straight line, poised as if ready to pounce, and they began to...

sing???

And that day, Yamazaki Sousuke swore he had never been more weirded out in his whole life.

"He had it coming,

he had it coming,

he only had himself to blame.

And if you'd been there,

you would've seen it!

I betcha you would have done the same!"

The steady rhythm of the repeating words continued, as the poker-faced bluenette stepped forward.

"You know how people have those little habits. Like Rin. Rin liked to drop himself into the pool. No, not dive, not splash, DROP. I don't know how he does it, but it always makes this irritating sound. 

So one day, I headed to practice, annoyed and lookin for some sympathy, and I made it just in time for Rin to DROP himself into the pool. So I said, you drop yourself one more time...

And he did. So I took the water gun, and fired two warning shots

into his eyes."

This time it was the brunette's turn. 

"I met Rin about three years ago at the Miyagi Station. He told me he loved cats and we hit it off rignt away, started dating. We even lived together, he'd go to work and I'd fix him dinner, that is until I found out.

"Loves cats?" Dirty liar. No wonder I had to stay in a different room. 

Not only did he have a dog, he had SIX dogs in his room. One of those dog people, you know. 

So one day, I cooked him a casserole. Some guys just can't hold their Whiskas."

At this point, they began to sing in unison again. 

"He had it coming,

he had it coming,

he only had himself to blame.

But if you'd been there,

You would've seen it!

I betcha you would have done the same!" 

Sousuke had just about given up at this point, so what could he do?

He sat down and enjoyed the performance, thinking he would've actually been scared if it wasn't for the weird getup and the musical number. 

The blonde boy was up next. 

"So I was standin in the kitchen, stirring us some drinks, minding my own business, when Rin storms in, enraged. 

'You've been screwing the megane!'he screamed. He was definitely crazy, but he screamed

'You've been screwing the megane!'

And he ran into my cocktail. He ran into my cocktail ten times."

The one who went in front next was the sobbing redhead, who seemed to be dancing what was a mix between ballet, an interpretative dance, and the nae nae. 

"Rin did nothing wrong to me, everyone on the swimming team just accused him of releasing Pyunsuke!" he sobbed.

"Yes, but did he do it?" the gray-haired boy asked.

"No no! Not guilty!" the redhead cried some more.

They began to sing in unison again.

"And if you'd been there, you would have seen it!

I betcha you would have done the same!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry It took so long to update!! The load in my high school is insane so I haven't been on as much. I'll post the last two chapters tomorrow ;) thank you so much for your kindness and patience!


	4. Quatre

The one who went up next was the bluenette megane who  _actually looked good_ in the fishnets.

"Rin and I used to travel the world for synchronised swimming. One time, my brother Renjiro came to travel with us. We practiced one routine after another, day and night. 

That night, it was just the three of us by the poolside, drinking milk and eating melon bread, when we ran out of bread so I went inside to get more. When I get back out I there's Renjiro and Rin doing the number fourteen: the spread butterfly. 

By the synchronised swimming gods I was such in a state of shock! My brother's handstand position was at such a bad angle, back arched, and knees bent. Even his spandex was down, and there Rin's face was instead of a spandex. 

Being the perfectionist I was I pushed them into the pool in an attempt to fix their routine, and that was all I remembered.

It wasn't until I was washing their snot and tears off my hands that I knew they had perfected my favorite routine."

Sousuke raised an eyebrow in amusement. "So you were angry over the fact that they didn't perfect your favorite routine, not that Rin was cheating on you?" 

The blonde lolita boy piped up, rolling his eyes. "Rei-chan was very sheltered as a child. He doesn't even know what cheating is."

"Shut up Nagisa-kun, I know what it is!" the bluenette stopped in the middle of his dance number to tell the boy. 

Laughter filled the room, and the singing continued. 

"They had it coming, they had it coming,

they had it coming all along.

I didn't do it, but If I'd done it,

how could you tell me that I was wrong?"

"I loved Rin Matsuoka more than I could possibly say," a shadow from behind said. 

Walking into the light, the speaker revealed himself as the silver-haired boy. 

"He was a real artistic guy... Sensitive... A painter. But, he was always trying to find himself. And on the way, he found you, Yamazaki Sousuke.

I guess he dumped me because of our artistic differences. Oh I still love him, alright. 

He saw you as his new life, I saw you as my favorite death."

A horrible smell filled the room, and Sousuke was once again unable to breathe. Hands grabbed at him before everything turned black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I once again owe everyone an apology. I made the draft the night before but our internet crashed for two weeks and I lost it. 
> 
> Sorry and I'll stop leading you guys on xD


	5. Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke finally gets rescued by- Samezuka-chan?!!!

There was a lot of screaming. 

Manly screaming. 

Manly screaming only Yamazaki Sousuke can make. 

First his car got stuck in an alley, then he got kidnapped and found out that his boyfriend's exes formed a cult that sings, and now he was placed in the  ~~shiniest~~ torture chamber he'd ever seen in his entire life, held by his limbs by three out of six of them. ~~  
~~

Not that he was used to torture chambers. He'd been in a frat before.

But glitter-covered chainsaws and a machine gun dressed as a unicorn? This was no Alpha Same initiation test. 

The poker-faced guy effortlessly flipped the big ass knife switch at the entrance and a big disco ball with rainbow lights turned on, complete with a disco floor and a demonic voice singing _Staying Alive_. 

"Haru's demonic voice is always the hottest." the olive-haired bara smiled innocently before picking up a glittery samurai sword.

"What should we do with him, Nitori-kun? Cut his stomach, cut a circle, or behead?" he continued, tracing Sousuke's figure with the duller edge. 

"I think we should castrate him." The poker-faced dude added. 

"Silence." the silver-haired boy said. "What do you think we should do, Momo-kun?" he turned to the sobbing redhead. 

"We castrate him -sobs- with uh chainsuh -sobs- and then weuh make it luhk -sobs- like he commited seppuku -sobs-" and he broke out into an uncontrollable fit of giggles- whilst crying. 

"A wonderful idea, Momo-kun! Let's bring out the chainsaw so we can start the fun!" A sinister smile graced his lips. 

Cue the manly screaming. 

Sousuke prayed Rin would find him, but at this time of the night and in an unscathed place like this, that was highly unlikely. 

He was ready to accept the gayest death in the whole world. 

That is, until the power went out and the door broke down, revealing...

"Samezuka-chan?!" they all shouted in surprise. 

"Let.. Him... Go!!" the shark mascot panted, blindly throwing red and black confetti at the unresponding group in fishnet tights. 

In a state of shock, the megane, the lolita, and the poker-faced dude's grip loosened on Sousuke, and he slipped out of their grasp. 

"Hey!" they tried to grab him back, but he was already taking off the paper mâché mascot's head, seeing familiar red hair. 

His prayers had been answered. 

"Rin!" he broke out into a grin. 

"Sousuke!" Rin smiled, pulling his boyfriend into a hug.

"We didn't expect you here, Rin," the poker-faced guy said monotonously. 

"I didn't expect for you to do this again. Trying to recruit members, eh." Rin steeled his gaze. 

"Well we were about to give him the choice." The silver-haired boy smirked. "Die or be one of us. It's that easy. Until you interrupted our little session, Rin-senpai."

"Well I'm not going to be ignorant and let you take Sousuke. Not this time, Ai." Rin spat. 

"What do you mean,  _not this time,_ Rin?" Sousuke asked gently. 

Rin sighed and faced him. "This started out with me dumping Ai and things got out of hand." he glared at the silver-haired boy.

"I'm going to end this." Rin stood up straight, armed with his humble basket of confetti. 

And that's how Rin ended up bruised and beaten on their soft living room couch, home at last. 

"You bitchbaby, you didn't have to do that, they already passed out." Sousuke said in a strict voice, dabbing at a particular spot with a medicine-infused cotton swab. 

"I hah ta feneh th ja!" Rin argued, ice pack wrapped around his head. 

Sousuke sighed, closing the argument. 

"By the way, you used Samezuka-chan? Really?"

Rin took off the ice pack. 

"It's not like I had a choice, paper mâché is practically stronger than metal."

"Yeah, but it was ripped to shreds after you accidentally set the chainsaw on yourself. And we wouldn't have this problem."

"Stop complaining I already saved you." Rin pouted, causing Sousuke to laugh. 

"Whatever. I love you, Rin. Happy Anniversary." 

"I love you too Sousuke. Happy Anniversary. "

"Oh and thanks for saving me from your creepy fishnet exes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter!!
> 
> I'll be uploading a new multichapter soon, but it's going to take a while because of school. 
> 
> Also, how do I replace the question mark in the chapter count? I am so confused someone send help


End file.
